that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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