you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
