i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize