I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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