As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
