is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
