we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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