We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
