I just pynch a tree in the face
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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