Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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