Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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