just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The best revenge is premature balding
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
