I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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