I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
