I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
