I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's never too late to be topless.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
