Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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