This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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