What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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