I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
