can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize