I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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