I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
