he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
