K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
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