She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
