I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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