i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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