He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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