Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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