I just pynch a tree in the face
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
