My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
