i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
