I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
