Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
