I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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