I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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