I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
