Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
