my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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