The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
