yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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