i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
