I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
