Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
