she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
