I am in a vortex of obligation.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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