my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
