i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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