Well douche your snatch and let's go!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
