You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
