Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you had me at cake vodka
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
