I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
