Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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