I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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