i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
