So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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