I think i peed on brittanys purse
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
