he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you never un-have a 4some
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
