he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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