My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I did not marry a roomba.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
