Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize