Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
