Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
