just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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