i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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