Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
