The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
