i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
