pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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