I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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