ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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