I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
