Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
