The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
