I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
