oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
