I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
