we have officially lost it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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