Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
