Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
