addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
