the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
