Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
